Hi. My name is Cooper Oedipus Quincy Trudeau, but you can call me Goopie, everyone else does. I’m writing my Mommas blog today because she’s busy getting all prettified for her interview tomorrow. I told her she should wear flats with her suit because the sound of the heels scares me, and it might scare potential employers too. She listens to me, cuz I know that kinda stuff. I’ve been on lots of interviews.
Today, I’m home spending time with my Momma. She’s the best. She feeds me and poops me. We take naps together and play on the Wii fit. She has a new idea in her head that I am a reincarnation of Michael Jackson, because I was born on the day he died. It may or may not be true, but I cant let her know that. I’m not a foofy foofy dog, if you know what I mean. I may like to wear my sweaters and bow ties and collared shirts, and I may really enjoy getting a pedicure every now and then, but I’m a boy! 100% boy! That’s what my Dad says. Momma said I was getting too exited when Gramp and uncle Geo came over, so they had to cut off my balls. I cant remember them. I think they were green and fuzzy like my ball.
I have a ball. Its green. I had some others, but I hid them and forgot where I put them. Now I just have that one. I think my Dad put it up where I couldn’t get it though. I have other toys that are made for big dogs, but I chewed them up, so I cant play with them for that long. I have a Cape too! It has a G on it for Super Goopie. It attaches to my blue sweater. I had arm cuffs too, but I lost them in the park on Halloween. I have my very own club house in the office. Its my safe zone, so when I’m in trouble, I go in there and I cant get spanked or yelled at. I have an office in the club house where I skype with my friends.
Oh and I have a bone. Its purple. Sometimes my Momma puts cookies in it with some Puppy Pepperoni between them. Oh boy do I love that. Its really heavy, but I’m a strong dog cuz I wrestle with my Dad. I can pick anything up. Oh, and all those big dogs like me. I’m top dog in the big dog world. Size doesn’t matter, its all about confidence, and Boy do I have that. I’m tough and I’m cute. When I was a baby, I use to think ‘OOHMIGAAAWDHESSOCUUUUTE’ was my name because everyone would say that to me. Then Momma told me my name was Cooper. I was named after some old guy on some show about mad men. My middle name Oedipus is apparently because I an in love and obsessed with my Momma. Quincy is the city we lived in in Mass, and like President John Quincy Adams (he lived a mile away) I was given the town name as my second middle name.
I like to run in circles around the house really really fast. And I like to howl, cuz I have a bit of beagle in me. Momma says I’m a puggle, half beagle half pug, and I was born at a farm in Missouri, but I don’t believe it. I kinda remember going to Europe and sailing with Ricardo (he goes by Ricky Martin now) and fighting Pirates in the Somali oceans. Then I was kidnapped and shipped to Missouri. When I was in Europe I consulted with a whole bunch of important people. They talked to me because I’m a dog and they thought I was trustworthy. That was the first time I thought of Pupinomics ®. I cant really tell you anymore because I’m in the middle of writing my manuscript and my publishers have a problem with me telling my friends the premise of the book before its released. You should look for it on Amazon soon. It should be released in September. Don’t worry if you forget. It will be on the NYTimes best seller list and will be all over the place. I’m in talks with Paramount to make a movie about it, but I’m holding out on having James Franco play me. He said he was interested, but so were a few others. Ill keep you updated on how it goes.
Ok, its dinner time. Have a great day all.
Shelley, I mean Goop, you totally crack me up. Hey Goop, do me a favor-fave will ya? Tell your mom to fix her button to I can put it on my page. She's a housewive for God's sake, it's not like she has anything else better to do!!!! Arf arf!
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