Episode Eighteen : Introducing the Househusband

Dear Bloggy

I’m sorry I haven’t written to you recently.  I can offer a thousand excuses that I had pre-prepared, but I know that you know me too well to believe anything I might throw at you other than the absolute truth.  So, I am sorry.  For some reason, in society people value a hard days work, and paychecks.  Don’t ask me why.  The husband just seems happier knowing that I’m stretching my brain while sitting under florescent lighting rather than when I was basking in the ability to nap anytime I want.  I.just.dont.get.it!

So, my job is pretty interesting.  I am solely responsible for marketing and branding a ridiculously wealthy company.  I don’t know why they picked me but I think I can handle it.  I was just watching ‘How its Made’ with the Husband and they showed an assembly line of people making lockers for a school.  Can you imagine being in the same place for 8 hours a day doing the same teeny meaningless task?  I said this to the husband, and he simply replied ‘people want those jobs right now, they’re secure and they don’t require you to think.’  Really?  Bloggy, I ask you, WHO doesn’t want to think?!  I am on the other side of the spectrum, thinking almost too much with this new job.  I think my brain is about to explode in technology-input-overload (hence me not blogging for a week).  I couldn’t manage to produce a single clear thought in sentence form, let alone make it interesting and witty.  Who knows if I’ve ever been able to do that, but last week, it was ridiculous.  I’m pretty sure I was talking in Acronyms.  On Easter, I may have actually said el-oh-el instead of laughing.

However, the lack of posting doesn’t mean that I wasn’t thinking of you, dear bloggy.  I began to compose about 4 blogs in the last week.  I even used you as motivation for a grueling task that I had to perform.  You see, I made a lemon cake, filled with home made strawberry/cream cheese and topped with homemade cream cheese frosting and fresh strawberry slices.  It was a masterpiece.  I took pictures of the whole act, but we can’t seem to find the Canon cord, alas, you do not get to see the pictures.  All for the better though.  We had Easter lunch down in Connecticut, a nice hour away, where the whole cake melted all over itself.  It was delicious nonetheless, but wasn’t as pretty as I had hoped.  If I had to look at the pictures today to post here, I would probably just cry. 

I also wrote a blog about my Friday confessions.  But the only semi-interesting confession was that while I sat responding to a weeks worth of blog postings, I ate half a bag of Salt and Vinegar potato chips.  I didn’t even realize I did it. To my own defense, I think the bag was full of air upon opening it.  But that’s not the confession.  After I finally realizing that I devoured half the bag of chips, I looked at my manicure, only to realize that somehow in that 30 minutes, half of my nail polish chipped.  I never found evidence of the chipping… but I continued to eat chips anyway.  Ha!  Oops. 

As I mentioned a week or so back, the House-o-Belmont is now without a fulltime housewife.  The husband and I worked out a clean-as-you-go plan that lasted about a day, but luckily, he’s on vacation this week, so the house has been staying fairly clean.  I shutter at the thought of what it will look like when my househusband starts back at school in 2 weeks.  For some reason, I don’t think I’m going to be able to train the dog to vacuum. 

OK, this is crazy long, and I don’t really have any fun pictures to put in, so Ill end it here.  Dear Bloggy, thank you for being a great follower and allowing me to know that you will always be here for me-even when I take a week away from you due to my brain leaking out of my ears. 

Xoxox.  Shell

PS, I just politely asked my Househusband NOT to do my laundry anymore.  What's worse, shrunken clothes, or doing laundry?  I'll let you know...

Episode Seventeen : When disaster strikes, mid-blog

Hey All. So, I took a couple days off because, lets face it, I needed a few lazy days to prepare for my upcoming J-O-B.  My dream career starts tomorrow!  I’m so excited, and nervous to start……..

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!  You will not believe what just happened!  I am sitting in bed and just looked down at the floor, only to find see my beloved Goopie mid-squat.  IN slow motion, I yell Goopie NNNOOOOO……  as a bunch of gooey brown poo comes spewing out of his bum.  Yes, Spewing.  I calmly tried not to scream as I didn't want to scare him under the bed to finish his business.  By the time I get the laptop and blankets off me, the Husband has come in from the office to see what’s going on.  Oh man, that’s diarrhea.  Thanks, like I needed it to be identified.

We have a kinda ‘smelt-it-dealt it’ way of selecting who cleans up the dog poo.  He who sees/smells it first has to clean it.  Crap!  Why does the dog always have to poo in the privacy of my personal bubble?  He wouldn’t dare do it in front of the Husband.  This leaves me cleaning a lot of poo.  But this time, it was particularly gross and gooey.  Yes, Gooey.  It smelled like last nights Pork Chops.  If you remember, I don’t eat meat.  Someone else fed the dog off their plate, and I was stuck with cleaning it up.  SO NOT COOL!  The husband, of course, insists it smells like salad.  Like the dog would go near anything green.    

That’s it!  When we’re old and senile, I’m not cleaning the husbands poo stained butt when he’s too old to clean it himself.  IN FACT, I’m older that him, so chances are, I’m going to reach that milestone in life before him, so I’m going to take advantage as much as possible just to make up for moments like these.  UGH! 

OH MY GOSH!  To make matters worse, as I was sanitizing the floor, Goop jumped on the bed and curled up on my pillow.  WHY, I ask you, does he love ME so much?  I feel bad.  He’s obviously sick, but AHH, it smells in my bedroom and I just had to clean up really icky POO!  Good thing I don’t have kids!  I have a lot of practice to do before that comes around.  I cant exactly lock the kids in their club house for the night because they poo’d my pillow. 

AHHHH!  OK, no more blogging today.  I have to go clean and sanitize.  Ugh!  By the way, you are all welcome for me not sharing pictures today.

Just a reminder, tomorrow is Tuesday.  And incase you haven’t seen her blog yet; Live what you Love does a Tuesday blog about your Tail Wagging Friends.  Tomorrow’s topic is bling bling.   Stop by her blog to see her doggies bling, then back to mine to see the Poopers Coopers Bling. 

Episode sixteen : Its a Saturday...

I just got a job!  Yay Me!  You know what that means?  The House of Belmont will be without a Housewife.  I mean, I’m still going to live here, the Husband isn’t looking for someone else, but I wont be doing all those fun housewife duties – at least not as much as I was use to.  On Thursday, while we were celebrating with champagne, I brought this dilemma up to the Husband.  You know, now that I will be working 40-60 hours a week, I wont have time to cook, clean, shop, walk the dog, pick up dry cleaning, and all that other stuff that’s been keeping me busy for the last three months.  And let me tell you, I HAVE been busy.  But now, I’m bringing home the bacon, and I’m not gonna fry it up as well (especially considering I don’t even eat bacon!)  He insisted that we try something new.   Lets CLEAN AS WE GO.  Oh yeah, ok.  We’ll see how long this lasts.  He’s gone three months without touching the washer, and I’m pretty certain his hands are aren’t dishwater-safe. 

Last night (one day later), I opened a bottle of wine and left the tin and cork on the counter while I took a big swig as I wanted back into the office.  He so kindly called me into the kitchen and pointed to the trash and reminded me that we were going to clean as we go.  Oops, I figured you forgot about that, thanks for the reminder.  Damnit.  See, here’s the thing about me.  If we live together, and YOU clean, I will clean.  But if YOU are a slob, I will be a slob.  I’ve been that way with all of my roommates of the past.  I even warn them about it before hand.  It’s me, and to know me is to love me.  I can’t change.  I’ve tried. 

Fast forward to today.  I went into the kitchen to make lunch, only to find the sink full of dishes (somehow I was oblivious to them last night.  You see, I have that talent, its called selective-observation).  As I began to rinse and load the dishes, I found a lot of coffee cups.  Hmm, that’s strange, I stopped drinking coffee a few months ago, so that means…….  AH HA!!  MY TURN!!  I called the Husband up at his conference (After all, this was important!)

    Husband: Hello

    Me: Hi Stinks (pet name)

    H: Hey Whats up?  I cant talk for too long..

    M: That’s ok; I just wanted to tell you something.  Remember our Clean-as-you-Go rule? 

    H: Yeah?

    M: Well, I just found some coffee cups in the sink under the pans from last night’s dinner that you    

          made. 

    H: Oh…  Well…  the dishwasher needed to be emptied. 

    M: Nope, it was empty. 

    H: Oh.....

    M: But don’t worry; Ill put them in there for you. 

I just have one (over-used, obnoxious, cliché) word for this situation.

#Winning!

On a complete different note.  Remember that Manicure I got on Tuesday?  Gels, promised to last two weeks.  Its been 5 days, how do you recommend I go show the manicurist my boo boo?

pls excuse crappy photo quality, I was too lazy to turn on another light.

Episode Fourteen : Seeking Advice from My Bestie

Do you ever have those moments when you need to talk to someone, but no one ever seems to be around?  Or there are those opposite moments when your phone is blowing up so much with email/fb/twitter/text notifications that you cant even hear what the person on the other side of the phone is saying? 

Well, both of those moments are bouncing around in my mind right now.  I always pride myself on being there when a friend needs me.  There are few people who I don’t screen when they call me.  Granted, if they call me at an obnoxious time of the night, Ill likely be asleep and wont answer their drunk dial, but for the most part, IM THERE FOR THEM. 

I’m happy to say that my Bestie is too.  This morning I called her in need of a pep talk (she’s my go-to girl for a pep-talk and for venting sessions, hence, Bestie), and she tiredly answered the phone (HELLO, why are you asleep, its 11am!!  Its only 8am here, I only answered it because I saw it was  you on the caller ID!!).   She quickly pepped up to give me encouragement.  I gave her the quick details : You see, the guy I interviewed with yesterday called and left a voicemail.  Being me, I screened the call.  I was nervous.  He sounded positive on the voicemail, so this had to be good news.  We had yet to discuss compensation, and I am a horrible negotiator.  I wanted to job so badly that I would have accepted anything, but companies always tend to ASK me first what salary I want.  Arg, that’s so hard.  I don’t want to lowball myself, but at the same time, I wont was to oversell myself, taking me out of consideration.  There is no right answer to this question.  Help, what do I say!?   So, Bestie calmed me down and gave me excellent advice (sorry, she’s MY Bestie, so I’m not sharing her words of wisdom). 

Turns out, I didn’t even need to take her advice because he MADE THE OFFER FIRST!!  Yup, that’s right, I GOT THE JOB!!  I am STOKED.  I called the Bestie back first to thank her for the advice, then to give her the good news.  She shared her excitement with me (from 3000 miles away, it was like we were in the same room squealing like teenagers.  Love her). 

OK, this was us dancing at my wedding, but we WOULD
be dancing and drinking champagne if we werent
3000 miles away from eachother.

So, after talking to Bestie, then the Husband (THRILLED, even canceling his golf game tonight to take me out to celebrate), I posted it on Facebook.  Wow, I’m getting an exurbanite amount of love, quickly. My phone does a cute little double-beep when I get a facebook comments, and it was playing a little quartet of tunes.  So much that I couldn’t even keep up.  While I was on the phone with various fans, I had a handful of voicemails by the time I hung up.  First, my old Roommate who’s now in Australia (Yup, Australia is now celebrating my new job), My Dad (Its about time that degree paid off – Just kidding, he didn’t say that), my Aunt/Mentor (What about Grad School, might they pay for it??) and so on with a bunch of excited people sharing my happiness.  Yay me!

So here is where I am overwhelmed with communication (ok, I love it).  But now I’m thinking, for the last three months, while playing housewife (By choice!  After being laid off from a job I hated, I refused to apply for a job I wouldn’t LOVE {cap, bold, italicize and underlined}), I have been constantly available to those most important to me (even from 3000 miles away) whenever they need me.  It’s a good feeling.  But now I have to go back to work, and Boobie wont have my undivided attention.  Now I feel horrible.. 

Ok, never mind.  Forget I said any of that.  At every single job in the past, I’ve text/email/called the Bestie and we’ve shared our Poo Stories on the clock.  I suppose this wont ever change.  It wouldn’t be a dream job if it did.  

Ugh, she had perfect hair.  I hate her.  

Disclaimer : I know this post appeared to be an ode to my bestie, but she’s already had another post dedicated to her in the last month.  So until she fulfils her obligations of writing a guest post for me, she will not receive anymore head-blowing-up (whatdoyoucallit?).  Although, she’s not the kinda person to get a big head.   If you want to know more about her, clik the linky link above.

PS, I love my Bestie.

What I'm Loving Wednesday : Home Edition

I hope I linked this correctly..

I know I already posted today, but as soon as I hit publish, I remembered it was Wednesday!  I get to jump on the bandwagon and play Positive Shelley for a brief moment.

I hate doing laundry.  The first person to make this a fun chore gets a gold star in my book, but until then, I’ll just have to find joy wherever I get it.  These are our new washer and dryer.  It was a very adult purchase that wasn’t very fun, but necessary.  But the best part, they PLAYS MUSIC when they start and finishes, and the musical tune is very bubbly and upbeat.  It makes me giggle every time I hear it-which is much better than the dread of past machines. 

This is my Desktop.  Same as yours?  Well, this is an accomplishment for me.  For years, regardless of the computer, I’ve always had a trillion (yes, a trillion) icons and files and documents all over the place.  It was impossible to find anything, so I was constantly recreating everything.  Now, all I have on here is

• A file for the here bloggy Blog
• A file for my resume/writing samples
• Two unfinished blogs that you might be seeing in the future
• A background picture of the Boston Public Library’s ceiling (pretty impressive, huh?)

Everything else is neatly tucked away out of sight.  (Yes, I hide things in closets when company comes over, what’s it to you?)

I LOVE MEN!!  I know I know, obvious, right?!  But that’s not where I’m going with this, I’m married, remember?  So, I love that every time I interview with a man in the past, I have been offered the job.  I’m hoping today follows this course because I had a kickass interview with THREE men today for a job that I would be exceptionally good at.  I went into the interview with the idea that if I don’t get the job, I can just go back to school to get my Masters (I’ve been weighing both options heavily for the last few months trying to decide which would be better for me).  Anyway, I think I have this job in the bag, but keep your fingers crossed for me. 

I love my dishes/tableware.  Granted, red and teal/blue/turquoise/aqua-ish don’t really go together, but, shut up!  They do!  I put together the place setting to show you, my lovely blog followers.  And since we NEVER sit at the dining table, it becomes home to coopers siblings our plants.  This is Planty, he was our first plant.  He doesn’t require as much attention as Whitey, Big Butt and Cooper.  He inspired our bamboo appearance here (um, we have bamboo utensils).  It kinda looks like Planty’s about to get his wine on. 

 It’s a very Seattley day outside, damp, cold and rainy.  So, I’m staying inside, stupidly in the coldest room of the house, what am I thinking?!   Anyway, I’m thinking of making something delicious…  Chocolate Chip Cookies.  And since, no matter how precisely I follow the directions for my Moms homemade cookie recipe, I cant get it right, so I’m sticking to the deliciously easy Betty Crocker Cookies.  Yumm. 

Episode Thirteen : A Place of My Own..

Is it sad that I don’t have a place in my own home where I feel cozy and comfy in?  Don’t get me wrong, I love my house, I mean, I have the bedroom with an obnoxiously comfortable bed, and we have an office, but its full of the Husbands school/work/research stuff.  Sometimes I just want a little place to curl up and read or write, somewhere that’s mine, where I can concentrate and be creative.  I want to find my stuff in the inexcusable place that I left it.  I want to put a cute framed pictures of the Dog and my girls, or a cute note that my husband left me (if he ever did that kinda thing) where I can see them and draw inspiration from. 

Today, I sat in our home office to send off a few emails then to work on this blog but I couldn’t find peace or inspiration.  I had to continually push Goopie off of me because the Husband doesn’t mind when he jumps in his lap while he’s on the computer, or I was distracted by the big shiny monitor that dwarfs my tiny laptop on the huge desk, begging me to check facebook one more time.  Our office is nice and all, but I have the luxury of having a laptop, so I guess I can go into any room-but this just keeps me from having my own space.  I know once your married, everything belongs to both partners, but the office, it’s really his.  Sure my books bump elbows with his, and I have a small filing cabinet in the corner with my craft and jewelry supplies, but if I want to actually MAKE something, I have to put it away for him to use his office when he’s home or do it on the dining room table.  I continue to say his office because we only decided on a two-bedroom place so he could have a place to study and work-the room has its purpose.  Who knew I would want an office too?  Too bad we cant be like Carrie and Big (satc2) and have a bonus apartment, or even people who have four plus bedrooms.  But in this city, we're lucky to get a two bedroom for under two-grand a month.  

Thinking a lot about this while I sat at Starbucks, I mentally (then virtually) designed my own office.  Heres what I’m dreaming of for my next house… 

So, I ask you, where do you go to work, read, study, create and write?  What tiny nook of your house is yours?  And how do you stake your claim?  How do you mark your territory? 

Episode Twelve : Things that can happen in a day..

Procrastination will be the end of me.  I started my day with a list of errands that I have been putting off for too long, and finally accomplished them-or most of them, I’ll do the others later. I’m sure visuals would help give you the quick spin of the day, but unfortunately, my beloved Blackberry was at the devil doctor (one of the errands I was putting off), so I had no camera (yikes, and no clock) handy to document my day.  Let me summarize (I read a blog where someone said they enjoy having a glimpse at the bloggers day, well, mine wasn’t exciting, but lets see if I can make it appear as if it was..)

First I got up and made the Husband a delicious breakfast (Ok, this is a lie.  He was up 3 hours before me, and he shoved a Pop Tart in my hand and reminded me that I have a Doctors appointment of my own at 11.  Blah.)

After the Husband left, I forced myself to drink the too-hot tea and hop on the Wii Fit.  (I actually did this!!  86 days until the wedding!).  Here, I spend about 12 minutes of the next hour working out, and about 48 minutes downloading fun workout songs (Burlesque Sound Track > Get it!).

Skip some boring time of me dancing around the house (*see : avoiding folding laundry). 

I get to the doctor early (on time is apparently the medical fields ‘early’), and wait to be seen.  I flipped through a few magazines before remembered that people usually only go to the doctor when they’re ridiculously sick.  Ew.  If I catch some yucky disease in the next few days, Ill let you know which doctors office to avoid like the plague.   After being infected waiting in the tiny waiting room for 45 minutes, I was taken into the room for a total of SIX minutes (three of which were with an actual doctor), just enough time to point to my smiling face proving I’m quasi-happy, and was let go.  51 minutes. 

Next stop was the phone doctor.  In November, my cell phone provider, who shall remain nameless until they piss me off again, sent me an update for my GPS.  Little did they know, I was still rocking the 2010 Blackberry (hello, it was still 2010) and they sent me an ultra new shiny update for the 2011 Blackberry.  Of course, I jumped on that bandwagon and downloaded until my little hearts content-only to find, next time I desperately needed to use my GPS, it was brokeded.  Buttheads!  They insisted I needed to bring my phone into a certain type of store to have it rebooted, or something like that.  This was going to take two and half house.  So, of course, I put off doing this for like 4 months (GPSless, and lost about 400 times).  Due to this ‘reboot’ thingy, I went three hours without my lifeline.  I always have my phone at my fingertips to read texts/emails/FB/twitter and now Blog updates. But MOST importantly, I use it as a CLOCK.  See, here’s the uber annoying thing about Miss Shelley, I get crazy anxiety (seriously) if I don’t know what time it is.  I don’t wear a watch, so for the three hours, I was asking everyone I could find what time it was.  It was a long three hours. My heart was thumping the-whole-type.  Luckily, this took place after seeing the doctor. 

During this time while Rebecca (Blackberry > Blackie > John Stamos > Beckie > Rebecca.  Duh!) was undergoing reproductive surgery, I got a Mani that looks pretty dang great (the Pedi happened a week ago).  I had them do gels with the promise that it would last at least ten days.  Believe me, I have LOTS of time on my hands to go back and bitch them out if it doesn’t last more than 4 days (interview on Wednesday.)

To kill more time, I ate at the worldly food court (seriously, Asian, Cuban, Italian, Thai, Indian, Japanese-no McDonalds) and wandered around the large and confusing mall.  It’s actually the mall that Mall Cop was filmed at.  I don’t know why I told you this, because even I haven’t seen the movie.  And shopped a bit too much at Sophora (oh how I love thee, yet do not need thee), and J Crew (Sprrriiiiiinnngg!).  I would have been more productive in searching for bday cards for the abundance of April birthdays, but my no-clock-anxiety was kicking in big time, and I figure, I always send cards too late anyway, so why fix it if it aint brokeded (can this be my new word?)?

Now I’m home.  The windows are open and the dog is locked in his club house, so I have piece and quiet until the Husband gets home and asks why I still haven’t folded the laundry that has been sitting on the counter for 6 days.  It’s such a lovely Spring Day.  I would rather be napping in the sun than folding the husband’s shirts.  When did I sign up for this?  Oh yeah, 324 days ago.  Know what that means?  41 days until my first anniversary.  Oh yeah… Ill be in San Francisco... With the girls…  and without the Husband.  Is that bad?

Happy Spring!

xoShell

PS.  DAMNIT SPRINT!  You did it, I’m calling you out!!  I had my apps lined up perfectly, and NOW they’re ALL gone!!  Now I have to spend hours downloading, signing in and lining them up perfectly again! 

Episode Eight : Spring? Is that you???

Hello Spring!

Its finally Spring in Boston.  Its time to shop for flip flops, Redsox (and/or insert your fav baseball team here.  Go Mariners!!) Tee’s and pump up the Wii Zumba routines a bit for those summer clothes just around the corner.  However, the warm weather hasn’t quite caught up with the sun shining outside, so I’ve been stuck in the house seeing water streaks on the windows as I gaze longingly outside.  What better to do that start that Spring Cleaning?!  Now, I’m a housewife with nothing better to do than cleaning (while watching Reality TV), so my house is not dirty, but it can use an extra deep scrub.  In fact, when the Husband came in, he didn’t comment on a cleanliness which came from 6 hours of cleaning, but on why the house has an orange/lemon/lavender and bleach aroma.  I actually used 12 different cleaning products and 6 cleaning utensils.  PLUS, I pulled a Danny Tanner, and cleaned the cleaning products as I put them away.

Since being on vacation, my new baby, Whitey, has shot up about 6 inches IN-A-WEEK!!  I am such a proud plant Momma-I mean, its been two weeks (one of which I was on vacation) and I haven’t killed him yet. 

As to not play favorites, here’s a picture of Big Butt.  He’s doing a good job of encouraging Whitey to grow tall like him.

Why did I name him Big Butt you ask?  Well, where the base of the trunk meets the dirt, it looks like two big butt cheeks.  We named him before we planted him, then when you water him, bubbles come up from between the “cheeks.”  No Lie, it looks like Big Butt farted in a bathtub.  He earned his name!!

OK, time to go back to scrubbing the oven door.  Don’t be too jealous, its not as fun as it sounds.  In fact, the only one having fun in this household today is the Dog, who is currently practicing his sun bathing..

Episode Four : Who doesn't love a Bubble Bath

I'm really busy preparing for my secret, that I don't have time to write out a whole blog (ok, I dont have time to reread everything 30 times to make sure I spelled everything correctly, because I always miss at least one word).

Anyway, I've had a crummy day, argued with Sprint for an HOUR (I was hung up on twice!!), spent another hour on the phone trying to get some payment issues cleared up, and am basically running around the house preparing for the next few days.  You see, tomorrow, the Husband leaves for DC to go save the world (or the Arab League at least), so we're dropping off the Doggy at his Auntie Sarah and Uncle Sean's house for the rest of the week.  Finding, cleaning and collecting all of the dogs necessities took up the whole morning.  But I figured I would share the best part of my day with all of my (three) followers.

I know what you're thinking.  'Uhh, the title of this blog is 'Who doesn't love a Bubble Bath', she's not going to share HER bubble bath with us is she?!'  But don't leave quite yet... this is quality time that I wouldn't give up for anything.  Its time I want to share with YOU...  Enjoy..

Happy Tuesday Everyone!!

Episode Three : Secrets, Laundry and Giveaways

I have a secret, but I can’t divulge it for few more days… but here’s a hint.

One person guessed it was a membrane.  Huh?  Um, no.  He was as cold as it is here in Boston. 

Its kinda fun hearing peoples guesses.  Although the FB comment, then message, then text then phone call from the SAME person within 90 seconds was a little over kill.  Come one!  If I was pregnant, I wouldn’t tell people over the internet!  I would be a little more creative in that announcement.  You heard it, I’m not preggers.  …Oh wait, did you just hear that??  Yeah, it was a sigh of relief from the Husband.  And that second little gasp was from the selfish Dog who pees on the floor every time I kiss the Husband before him.  I shutter at the thought of what he would do if I brought a BABY into the house. 

So, have I mentioned that I’m a housewife?  Yeah, I am.  And according to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, as of May 22^nd 2011, the Husband became responsible for making sure I don’t do anything stupid-like jumping off the Pru on a dare.  In return, I became responsible for doing his laundry.  So Not Fair!!  This is not such an easy undertaking.  You see, the Husband went through boot camp-where they teach you to be the biggest *n*l *ss on the face of the planet.  Now, years later, the Husband insists I fold his little undershirts a very particular way, because when folded this way, you get two neat rows in the dresser.  I can’t say no either, because I’m unemployed and I watch bad (great!) TV all day.  What reason do I have not to spend a minute per shirt (and he wears TWO shirts a day!)??

So, to all you other Housewives out there, check this out and then come complain to (or commiserate with) me about doing laundry. 

Luckily,  I'll have help with the rest....

Finally, Giveaways.  I found the Bargain Blonde through my BFFs sister, the Momma with Desires.  They both have fun Giveaways this week.  Lindsey’s (the Bargain Blonde) giveaway is one of these awesome cuffs made by Erin of Gussied.  And Ravens giveaway is the new Britney Spears CD.  Go check out their blogs, and enter, and maybe you (or I) will win!!  

Episode Two : Quality Time

As to not just work on setting up the blog with no content, I am going to do what I just said I need to be held accountable in doing – I am about to produce a blog posting.

I am sitting in a very cold library at the husband’s school while he works on saving the world through economics.  This is our way of spending quality time together.  Unconventional, yes, but it’s the only way that I get to see him with his busy schedule.  Plus, as I sit here with only my laptop, I am forced to put out a blog rather than flipping channels or shoving the dog off of me for the hundredth time today.  

Have I introduced you to my doggy, Cooper?  We call him Goopie.  He’s a one-and-a-half year old Puggle who I bet could take on a toddler in an energy race.  If I didn’t live across the country from my only friend with a toddler, I would put this assumption into effect.  Lately, my life if revolving around the damn (I love him so) dog.  He’s incredibly demanding and half the time I would get rid of him if his new found insistance of his wasn’t my own fault.  I baby him.  I spoil him.  And I do everything a loving and caring (dog) parent shouldn’t do – I bribe him with whatever I can to get my way for two-minutes, and if that doesn’t work, I throw him in his cage.

So, here we go, short and sweet, a description of my life.  Working with the husband, avoiding the dog and building a blog.  Did I mention that I’m greatly considering going back to school in the fall.  I’m looking into all of the colleges in Boston to get another Bachelors or a Masters in…. something.  I suppose I need to decide what I want to do with my life before I prepare to spend thousands of dollars, again.

Housewife Duties : Last week I planted a few plants for around the house-Housewives do that, right?  A Rose Bush (although the snow this week may have killed it), replanted my Ikea Bamboo sticks (Name : Planty) and repotted my small palmy-looking tree (Name : Big-Butt) in a larger pot.  

Here’s my latest-It’s a Paperwhite, which is apparently the easiest plant to grow and hardest to kill.  Perhaps I should mention that when my Dad tried to teach me how to drive his stick shift Jeep, he insisted that no one could kill this Jeep-and I did.  My track record for ‘you cant kill this’ isn’t that great.  Well see how it goes.  I think Ill name this plant Whitey.  

Episode One : Appearing Busy

I’m not sure that I understand the allure of being a housewife.  Staying home, cleaning, organizing lives and watching daytime TV?  How unfulfilling.  Perhaps back in the day there was better programming on TV.  It cant be normal to want to punch through TV every time I see one of those soap actresses use the word commitment, then tell their husband/lover/brother/pastor that the child is actually a love child of their own brother.  Yuck.

I’m pretty sure 4 loads of laundry every single day that I’ve been here.  Not that we go through that much laundry, but once it touches the ground, it needs to be washed, right?  On Thursday, I left the clothes in the dryer and a wet load in the dryer just to give myself something to redo on Friday.  Perhaps I really am doing this right, creating more work for myself so my husband thinks I’m really busy.  As long as a different room is clean every day, I must be doing my job.  Although, I mentioned that I was planning on cleaning his office, and he got a bit twitchy and told me not to.  Maybe that will be a nice treat for him when he comes home at midnight on Tuesday – a nice shiny clean office, ORGANIZED and everything.  I kinda need one or two of those desk drawers.  Those papers from 3 years ago cant possibly be necessary to keep, right?

I’m not quite sure what the husband thinks of me staying home.  Sure, things are getting done here.  He almost always has a hot 1950s style meal waiting when he gets home.  He doesn’t have to listen to me complain about a horrible coworker anymore.  He doesn’t have to walk the dog or clean up after him – because as a stay at home wife, that’s my sole job, regardless of the time of day, cleaning up poop.  He must love this.  He’s told me numerous times that he has this desire to take care of me.  Yeah, I have that same desire, to take care of myself.  How do we clash there?

The dog on the other hand, certainly is unhappy with me being home.  Sure, he needs a bit of food and a walk every now and then, but I’m sure I’m disturbing his busy social schedule.  He’s constantly telling us that he’s a professor of Pupinomics at the Harvard University Extension school, but since I’ve been home, I’ve yet to see him go to class once.  He doesn’t even grade papers or work on his manuscript.  All I see him do it chew on some dumb bone.  How can anyone be so entranced by a simple stinky and now sticky bone for so long?

So my schedule for today…

• Redo some of that laundry from last week, and luckily this weekend (I think I’ll leave that till later so I have something to look forward to.  Plus, in the week that I’ve been here, I can already tell that it looks good to appear busy when the husband comes home.
• Sand and paint the spackled white spots on the bedroom and living room walls.  (Mental note: throw more hard things at said walls in the future to create more busy work when attempting to appear busy).
• Do dishes from this weekend (damnit, I already checked this off my list.  Why do I feel so productive so early in the morning?  I should cut out that coffee at 8am)
• Bathe dog. (Perhaps wait for husband to volunteer.  After being here for a week, I’ve become immune to the dogs smell.  Husband has not)
• Mop floors, again (train dog to NOT to pee on the floor).
• Wii Fit.  178 days until my friends wedding, and have to get my arms a little toned to look hot in the bridesmaid dress.  Husband bought me a medicine ball to hold while working out.  Not sure if this is a sick joke or not-will let you know soon.
• Search for a job that allows me to utilize all 8 of my talents and will allow me to fulfill my dream of being important, wealthy and notable in a trade magazine.
• Use the word ‘Exponentially’ in conversation.  This may take a while, since I can only talk to the dog.