I need DRIVE... and a twix

When I was a stay at home housewife, I busied myself with cleaning, playing with the dog, reading, surfing around blogs (occasionally commenting) and writing my own blog.  Since I got a job, I’ve gained a deeper appreciation for those who manage their jobs, lives, (occasionally children) and their blogs so successfully.  I am working full time and can hardly manage keeping the house clean or staying on top of the laundry, let alone writing my blog on a daily or even weekly basis.  I’m horrible.  I tend to come home and want to rest (ie watch tv, nap or read) or do ANYTHING BUT look at the computer.  I still do my drive bys blogs to read whats up with my favorite bloggers, but I find myself rarely commenting, simply because I don’t have anything to lead them back to.  Sure, I read all their posts, but if they stop by MY blog, they see a week (or two) old blog.  That’s so not cool.  I feel I should delete my blog entirely as to not disappoint people.  But what fun is that?  I suppose I just need to find more to write about.  Content Content Content.  And find a way to force myself to produce that content.  I mean, I know you don’t want too hear about my job, who cares that I hate doing dishes, and theres only so much more blogging I can do about Cooper before you all delete me and block me from even reading YOUR blogs. 

So here’s my latest gripe.  I’ve gained weight.  I have my friends wedding in about 8 weeks and I am going to be a blimp in the dress (assuming it zips up!).  I hate that I have to wear the exact same dress as the other girls, who are all short and skinny.  This is where forced comparisons begin.  Anyway, the Husband bought me Wii Zumba (which I hated after one attempt) and Wii Just Dance (which even though I REALLY wanted, I haven’t used once in the month since I’ve had it.)  I want to join a gym (mainly for the free tanning sessions, did I mention I need a tan before the wedding too?) but I don’t have any gym shoes (seriously, the dog ate them a year ago).  I went shopping the other day to get shoes just SO I could join the gym, but couldn’t find anything that I liked (meaning any that didn’t make me a foot taller that I already am).  I’m sure subconsciously this was because IF I found shoes, I would actually have to join AND GO to the gym rather than napping at home.  Its all a vicious circle all returning to the fact that I’m lazy and need motivation.  I thought I could just try the dress on and that would be motivation enough to get my butt moving, but it just depressed me into bed with cookies.  SO, I ask you… what is YOUR motivation?  And don’t give me ‘I want to look good, I love doing it, I want to be healthy… blah blah blah.’  That doesn’t drive me.  I need the DRIVE.  Call me a fat ass or something.  I need anything!  (and ANYTHING doesn’t include my bestfriend telling me that I’m the skinniest person she knows.  THAT doesn’t help Boobie!)

OK… back to work.  And soon to CVS, where I will inevitably search for healthy food before remembering that I’m in a convenient store and they only sell candy and chips. 

xoShell

Tail Wagging Tuesday : I love napping with my Gooie

Crap, I forgot its Tuesday!!  I have to enter Goopie into the Tail-Wagging-Tuesday Blog-o-sphere!!  

First, heres the info from Miss C Mae's blog.  Check out her blog, its not only super cute, but she has a link-up where everyone can link to their own Tail Wagging Pups

Before you comment, YES, we do let Goopie sleep with us.  I know, I know.  Its BAD.  It actually ruins our sleep.  The only place he (and I) will comfortably sleep is with me on my side with my knees bend, and him behind my knee-nook.  Its our thing.  It was never the intention to let Goops sleep with us, but I insisted that I couldn't sleep without him the first week that we brought him home.  He was so polite and slept by our feet, but as the months went by, he inched his way up between us.  He gets really mad when the Husband and I try to sleep next to each other (hence, his middle name being Oedipus).  Now, the Husband has turned into a softy and insists that Goops needs to sleep with us because of the pack mentality-he needs to feel like he's apart of the pack.  Ok, that works.  One little cry in the middle of the night and Goops is up on the bed in his 'nook'.

Goopie and Momma napping in the cloud.  

Tail Wagging Tuesday

I love my dog, can you tell?  Hes like my child, so as soon as he was adopted, I started frosting him with gems.  He deserves them. 

check out the grill

OK, so he doesn’t have bling, but only because he cant even keep his leash out of his mouth, so why would I EVER put diamonds near him.  Instead he’s bling’d out with his Doggy Tags.  Four to be exact.  His nametag, American Kennel Association tag, Rabbies Vacc Tag, and his official license for the city of Belmont (I keep telling him this doesn’t mean that he can drive in Belmont. 

This becomes very clingy, so I tend to take his collar off him when in the house.  Otherwise hes jingle jangling around while tap dancing on the hardwoods. 

OH YEAH! On Halloween, when he was Super Goopie, he not only had a cape, but he also had wrist guards.  The were soon lost in the leaves…but they held magical powers for about 10 minutes.  Heres the only pic I could get.

Episode Seventeen : When disaster strikes, mid-blog

Hey All. So, I took a couple days off because, lets face it, I needed a few lazy days to prepare for my upcoming J-O-B.  My dream career starts tomorrow!  I’m so excited, and nervous to start……..

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!  You will not believe what just happened!  I am sitting in bed and just looked down at the floor, only to find see my beloved Goopie mid-squat.  IN slow motion, I yell Goopie NNNOOOOO……  as a bunch of gooey brown poo comes spewing out of his bum.  Yes, Spewing.  I calmly tried not to scream as I didn't want to scare him under the bed to finish his business.  By the time I get the laptop and blankets off me, the Husband has come in from the office to see what’s going on.  Oh man, that’s diarrhea.  Thanks, like I needed it to be identified.

We have a kinda ‘smelt-it-dealt it’ way of selecting who cleans up the dog poo.  He who sees/smells it first has to clean it.  Crap!  Why does the dog always have to poo in the privacy of my personal bubble?  He wouldn’t dare do it in front of the Husband.  This leaves me cleaning a lot of poo.  But this time, it was particularly gross and gooey.  Yes, Gooey.  It smelled like last nights Pork Chops.  If you remember, I don’t eat meat.  Someone else fed the dog off their plate, and I was stuck with cleaning it up.  SO NOT COOL!  The husband, of course, insists it smells like salad.  Like the dog would go near anything green.    

That’s it!  When we’re old and senile, I’m not cleaning the husbands poo stained butt when he’s too old to clean it himself.  IN FACT, I’m older that him, so chances are, I’m going to reach that milestone in life before him, so I’m going to take advantage as much as possible just to make up for moments like these.  UGH! 

OH MY GOSH!  To make matters worse, as I was sanitizing the floor, Goop jumped on the bed and curled up on my pillow.  WHY, I ask you, does he love ME so much?  I feel bad.  He’s obviously sick, but AHH, it smells in my bedroom and I just had to clean up really icky POO!  Good thing I don’t have kids!  I have a lot of practice to do before that comes around.  I cant exactly lock the kids in their club house for the night because they poo’d my pillow. 

AHHHH!  OK, no more blogging today.  I have to go clean and sanitize.  Ugh!  By the way, you are all welcome for me not sharing pictures today.

Just a reminder, tomorrow is Tuesday.  And incase you haven’t seen her blog yet; Live what you Love does a Tuesday blog about your Tail Wagging Friends.  Tomorrow’s topic is bling bling.   Stop by her blog to see her doggies bling, then back to mine to see the Poopers Coopers Bling. 

Real House Dog of Belmont

Hi.  My name is Cooper Oedipus Quincy Trudeau, but you can call me Goopie, everyone else does.  I’m writing my Mommas blog today because she’s busy getting all prettified for her interview tomorrow.  I told her she should wear flats with her suit because the sound of the heels scares me, and it might scare potential employers too.  She listens to me, cuz I know that kinda stuff.  I’ve been on lots of interviews. 

Today, I’m home spending time with my Momma.  She’s the best.  She feeds me and poops me.  We take naps together and play on the Wii fit.  She has a new idea in her head that I am a reincarnation of Michael Jackson, because I was born on the day he died.  It may or may not be true, but I cant let her know that.  I’m not a foofy foofy dog, if you know what I mean.  I may like to wear my sweaters and bow ties and collared shirts, and I may really enjoy getting a pedicure every now and then, but I’m a boy!  100% boy!  That’s what my Dad says.  Momma said I was getting too exited when Gramp and uncle Geo came over, so they had to cut off my balls.  I cant remember them.  I think they were green and fuzzy like my ball.

I have a ball.  Its green.  I had some others, but I hid them and forgot where I put them.  Now I just have that one.  I think my Dad put it up where I couldn’t get it though.  I have other toys that are made for big dogs, but I chewed them up, so I cant play with them for that long.  I have a Cape too!  It has a G on it for Super Goopie.  It attaches to my blue sweater.  I had arm cuffs too, but I lost them in the park on Halloween.  I have my very own club house in the office.  Its my safe zone, so when I’m in trouble, I go in there and I cant get spanked or yelled at.  I have an office in the club house where I skype with my friends. 

Oh and I have a bone.  Its purple.  Sometimes my Momma puts cookies in it with some Puppy Pepperoni between them.  Oh boy do I love that.  Its really heavy, but I’m a strong dog cuz I wrestle with my Dad. I can pick anything up.  Oh, and all those big dogs like me.  I’m top dog in the big dog world.  Size doesn’t matter, its all about confidence, and Boy do I have that.  I’m tough and I’m cute.  When I was a baby, I use to think ‘OOHMIGAAAWDHESSOCUUUUTE’ was my name because everyone would say that to me.  Then Momma told me my name was Cooper.  I was named after some old guy on some show about mad men.  My middle name Oedipus is apparently because I an in love and obsessed with my Momma.  Quincy is the city we lived in in Mass, and like President John Quincy Adams (he lived a mile away) I was given the town name as my second middle name. 

I like to run in circles around the house really really fast.  And I like to howl, cuz I have a bit of beagle in me.  Momma says I’m a puggle, half beagle half pug, and I was born at a farm in Missouri, but I don’t believe it.  I kinda remember going to Europe and sailing with Ricardo (he goes by Ricky Martin now) and fighting Pirates in the Somali oceans.  Then I was kidnapped and shipped to Missouri.  When I was in Europe I consulted with a whole bunch of important people.  They talked to me because I’m a dog and they thought I was trustworthy.  That was the first time I thought of Pupinomics ®.  I cant really tell you anymore because I’m in the middle of writing my manuscript and my publishers have a problem with me telling my friends the premise of the book before its released.  You should look for it on Amazon soon.  It should be released in September.  Don’t worry if you forget.  It will be on the NYTimes best seller list and will be all over the place.  I’m in talks with Paramount to make a movie about it, but I’m holding out on having James Franco play me.  He said he was interested,  but so were a few others.  Ill keep you updated on how it goes. 

Ok, its dinner time.  Have a great day all. 

Episode Eight : Spring? Is that you???

Hello Spring!

Its finally Spring in Boston.  Its time to shop for flip flops, Redsox (and/or insert your fav baseball team here.  Go Mariners!!) Tee’s and pump up the Wii Zumba routines a bit for those summer clothes just around the corner.  However, the warm weather hasn’t quite caught up with the sun shining outside, so I’ve been stuck in the house seeing water streaks on the windows as I gaze longingly outside.  What better to do that start that Spring Cleaning?!  Now, I’m a housewife with nothing better to do than cleaning (while watching Reality TV), so my house is not dirty, but it can use an extra deep scrub.  In fact, when the Husband came in, he didn’t comment on a cleanliness which came from 6 hours of cleaning, but on why the house has an orange/lemon/lavender and bleach aroma.  I actually used 12 different cleaning products and 6 cleaning utensils.  PLUS, I pulled a Danny Tanner, and cleaned the cleaning products as I put them away.

Since being on vacation, my new baby, Whitey, has shot up about 6 inches IN-A-WEEK!!  I am such a proud plant Momma-I mean, its been two weeks (one of which I was on vacation) and I haven’t killed him yet. 

As to not play favorites, here’s a picture of Big Butt.  He’s doing a good job of encouraging Whitey to grow tall like him.

Why did I name him Big Butt you ask?  Well, where the base of the trunk meets the dirt, it looks like two big butt cheeks.  We named him before we planted him, then when you water him, bubbles come up from between the “cheeks.”  No Lie, it looks like Big Butt farted in a bathtub.  He earned his name!!

OK, time to go back to scrubbing the oven door.  Don’t be too jealous, its not as fun as it sounds.  In fact, the only one having fun in this household today is the Dog, who is currently practicing his sun bathing..

What I'm Loving Wednesday

I may be a bit slow jump on this trend wagon, but I L.O.V.E. my Keurig!  We got it for Christmas and use it probably 6+ times a day.  What’s shocking me the most, I’m a Seattle who loves my coffee, but since we’ve had the Keurig, I’ve been cheating on my Starbucks beans just drinking Tea-from the bag-yup, No K-Cup.  I just add a bit of my vanilla creamer and an Earl Gray Tea Bag and push the extra large size button and voila!  No heating water in the awkward red kettle. 

Hello, my name is Shelley, and I am a Bananagrams-aholic.  Yeah, we’ve all SEEN the weird banana shaped bag in the stores, but to play it is ADICTING.  Its like Scrabble, but have I mentioned, I CANT SPELL?!  This is So much better!  I actually play it on Facebook in la solo cafe because none of my other friends are bananas enough to challenge me.  Ready!  Set!  SPILT!!

I love the smell of my dogs Shampoo.  Weird, eh?  I spend an extra bit of time massaging his scalp so the smell soaks in.  This way, when I kiss the top of his head, I smell the clean aroma, rather than the feet odor that he collects from the Husbands office. 

Completely not new, but I am so in love, I have to mention it.  Five or so years ago, I fell in love with the most beautiful lavender/grayish duvet with wispy bamboo stocks printed on it and HAD TO HAVE THEM.  It was mandatory, so much to the fact that I had to find a husband just so I could register for the duvet at Macys.  When we didn’t get it as a gift, I dipped into our savings and bought it-as a gift to myself (along with the Coach shoes).  Granted, the Husband doesn’t like it, but every day when I step into my bedroom, I’m in heaven.  Did I mention, it’s the same one Carrie had on Sex and the City.  Of course, this isn’t the sole reason I wanted it-but I made sure not to divulge this info to the husband until after it was nicely spread under us.

I am LOVE LOVE LOVE LOOOOOOVING that I get to hug my best friends SO SOON.  Living across the country from them is the worst thing ever.  I cant wait to dance dance dance and giggle without the phone getting in the way. 

I love that a guy I had a phone interview with THREE weeks ago finally called and left a message to have me come in and meet with him.  I also LOVE that I would be AMAZING at this job. 

I love that the neighbor guy whos always been a prick in the past just knocked on my door to tell me that I left the lights on in the car.  Oops.  Although, I dont really love this enough.  He still swept the snow onto my car after I shoveled it a month ago.  Jerk.  

And finally, I'm LOVING that I dont have to keep a secret for much longer.  Phew, this is tough!

Episode Four : Who doesn't love a Bubble Bath

I'm really busy preparing for my secret, that I don't have time to write out a whole blog (ok, I dont have time to reread everything 30 times to make sure I spelled everything correctly, because I always miss at least one word).

Anyway, I've had a crummy day, argued with Sprint for an HOUR (I was hung up on twice!!), spent another hour on the phone trying to get some payment issues cleared up, and am basically running around the house preparing for the next few days.  You see, tomorrow, the Husband leaves for DC to go save the world (or the Arab League at least), so we're dropping off the Doggy at his Auntie Sarah and Uncle Sean's house for the rest of the week.  Finding, cleaning and collecting all of the dogs necessities took up the whole morning.  But I figured I would share the best part of my day with all of my (three) followers.

I know what you're thinking.  'Uhh, the title of this blog is 'Who doesn't love a Bubble Bath', she's not going to share HER bubble bath with us is she?!'  But don't leave quite yet... this is quality time that I wouldn't give up for anything.  Its time I want to share with YOU...  Enjoy..

Happy Tuesday Everyone!!

Episode Three : Secrets, Laundry and Giveaways

I have a secret, but I can’t divulge it for few more days… but here’s a hint.

One person guessed it was a membrane.  Huh?  Um, no.  He was as cold as it is here in Boston. 

Its kinda fun hearing peoples guesses.  Although the FB comment, then message, then text then phone call from the SAME person within 90 seconds was a little over kill.  Come one!  If I was pregnant, I wouldn’t tell people over the internet!  I would be a little more creative in that announcement.  You heard it, I’m not preggers.  …Oh wait, did you just hear that??  Yeah, it was a sigh of relief from the Husband.  And that second little gasp was from the selfish Dog who pees on the floor every time I kiss the Husband before him.  I shutter at the thought of what he would do if I brought a BABY into the house. 

So, have I mentioned that I’m a housewife?  Yeah, I am.  And according to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, as of May 22^nd 2011, the Husband became responsible for making sure I don’t do anything stupid-like jumping off the Pru on a dare.  In return, I became responsible for doing his laundry.  So Not Fair!!  This is not such an easy undertaking.  You see, the Husband went through boot camp-where they teach you to be the biggest *n*l *ss on the face of the planet.  Now, years later, the Husband insists I fold his little undershirts a very particular way, because when folded this way, you get two neat rows in the dresser.  I can’t say no either, because I’m unemployed and I watch bad (great!) TV all day.  What reason do I have not to spend a minute per shirt (and he wears TWO shirts a day!)??

So, to all you other Housewives out there, check this out and then come complain to (or commiserate with) me about doing laundry. 

Luckily,  I'll have help with the rest....

Finally, Giveaways.  I found the Bargain Blonde through my BFFs sister, the Momma with Desires.  They both have fun Giveaways this week.  Lindsey’s (the Bargain Blonde) giveaway is one of these awesome cuffs made by Erin of Gussied.  And Ravens giveaway is the new Britney Spears CD.  Go check out their blogs, and enter, and maybe you (or I) will win!!  

Episode Two : Quality Time

As to not just work on setting up the blog with no content, I am going to do what I just said I need to be held accountable in doing – I am about to produce a blog posting.

I am sitting in a very cold library at the husband’s school while he works on saving the world through economics.  This is our way of spending quality time together.  Unconventional, yes, but it’s the only way that I get to see him with his busy schedule.  Plus, as I sit here with only my laptop, I am forced to put out a blog rather than flipping channels or shoving the dog off of me for the hundredth time today.  

Have I introduced you to my doggy, Cooper?  We call him Goopie.  He’s a one-and-a-half year old Puggle who I bet could take on a toddler in an energy race.  If I didn’t live across the country from my only friend with a toddler, I would put this assumption into effect.  Lately, my life if revolving around the damn (I love him so) dog.  He’s incredibly demanding and half the time I would get rid of him if his new found insistance of his wasn’t my own fault.  I baby him.  I spoil him.  And I do everything a loving and caring (dog) parent shouldn’t do – I bribe him with whatever I can to get my way for two-minutes, and if that doesn’t work, I throw him in his cage.

So, here we go, short and sweet, a description of my life.  Working with the husband, avoiding the dog and building a blog.  Did I mention that I’m greatly considering going back to school in the fall.  I’m looking into all of the colleges in Boston to get another Bachelors or a Masters in…. something.  I suppose I need to decide what I want to do with my life before I prepare to spend thousands of dollars, again.

Housewife Duties : Last week I planted a few plants for around the house-Housewives do that, right?  A Rose Bush (although the snow this week may have killed it), replanted my Ikea Bamboo sticks (Name : Planty) and repotted my small palmy-looking tree (Name : Big-Butt) in a larger pot.  

Here’s my latest-It’s a Paperwhite, which is apparently the easiest plant to grow and hardest to kill.  Perhaps I should mention that when my Dad tried to teach me how to drive his stick shift Jeep, he insisted that no one could kill this Jeep-and I did.  My track record for ‘you cant kill this’ isn’t that great.  Well see how it goes.  I think Ill name this plant Whitey.  

Episode One : Appearing Busy

I’m not sure that I understand the allure of being a housewife.  Staying home, cleaning, organizing lives and watching daytime TV?  How unfulfilling.  Perhaps back in the day there was better programming on TV.  It cant be normal to want to punch through TV every time I see one of those soap actresses use the word commitment, then tell their husband/lover/brother/pastor that the child is actually a love child of their own brother.  Yuck.

I’m pretty sure 4 loads of laundry every single day that I’ve been here.  Not that we go through that much laundry, but once it touches the ground, it needs to be washed, right?  On Thursday, I left the clothes in the dryer and a wet load in the dryer just to give myself something to redo on Friday.  Perhaps I really am doing this right, creating more work for myself so my husband thinks I’m really busy.  As long as a different room is clean every day, I must be doing my job.  Although, I mentioned that I was planning on cleaning his office, and he got a bit twitchy and told me not to.  Maybe that will be a nice treat for him when he comes home at midnight on Tuesday – a nice shiny clean office, ORGANIZED and everything.  I kinda need one or two of those desk drawers.  Those papers from 3 years ago cant possibly be necessary to keep, right?

I’m not quite sure what the husband thinks of me staying home.  Sure, things are getting done here.  He almost always has a hot 1950s style meal waiting when he gets home.  He doesn’t have to listen to me complain about a horrible coworker anymore.  He doesn’t have to walk the dog or clean up after him – because as a stay at home wife, that’s my sole job, regardless of the time of day, cleaning up poop.  He must love this.  He’s told me numerous times that he has this desire to take care of me.  Yeah, I have that same desire, to take care of myself.  How do we clash there?

The dog on the other hand, certainly is unhappy with me being home.  Sure, he needs a bit of food and a walk every now and then, but I’m sure I’m disturbing his busy social schedule.  He’s constantly telling us that he’s a professor of Pupinomics at the Harvard University Extension school, but since I’ve been home, I’ve yet to see him go to class once.  He doesn’t even grade papers or work on his manuscript.  All I see him do it chew on some dumb bone.  How can anyone be so entranced by a simple stinky and now sticky bone for so long?

So my schedule for today…

• Redo some of that laundry from last week, and luckily this weekend (I think I’ll leave that till later so I have something to look forward to.  Plus, in the week that I’ve been here, I can already tell that it looks good to appear busy when the husband comes home.
• Sand and paint the spackled white spots on the bedroom and living room walls.  (Mental note: throw more hard things at said walls in the future to create more busy work when attempting to appear busy).
• Do dishes from this weekend (damnit, I already checked this off my list.  Why do I feel so productive so early in the morning?  I should cut out that coffee at 8am)
• Bathe dog. (Perhaps wait for husband to volunteer.  After being here for a week, I’ve become immune to the dogs smell.  Husband has not)
• Mop floors, again (train dog to NOT to pee on the floor).
• Wii Fit.  178 days until my friends wedding, and have to get my arms a little toned to look hot in the bridesmaid dress.  Husband bought me a medicine ball to hold while working out.  Not sure if this is a sick joke or not-will let you know soon.
• Search for a job that allows me to utilize all 8 of my talents and will allow me to fulfill my dream of being important, wealthy and notable in a trade magazine.
• Use the word ‘Exponentially’ in conversation.  This may take a while, since I can only talk to the dog.