I need DRIVE... and a twix

When I was a stay at home housewife, I busied myself with cleaning, playing with the dog, reading, surfing around blogs (occasionally commenting) and writing my own blog.  Since I got a job, I’ve gained a deeper appreciation for those who manage their jobs, lives, (occasionally children) and their blogs so successfully.  I am working full time and can hardly manage keeping the house clean or staying on top of the laundry, let alone writing my blog on a daily or even weekly basis.  I’m horrible.  I tend to come home and want to rest (ie watch tv, nap or read) or do ANYTHING BUT look at the computer.  I still do my drive bys blogs to read whats up with my favorite bloggers, but I find myself rarely commenting, simply because I don’t have anything to lead them back to.  Sure, I read all their posts, but if they stop by MY blog, they see a week (or two) old blog.  That’s so not cool.  I feel I should delete my blog entirely as to not disappoint people.  But what fun is that?  I suppose I just need to find more to write about.  Content Content Content.  And find a way to force myself to produce that content.  I mean, I know you don’t want too hear about my job, who cares that I hate doing dishes, and theres only so much more blogging I can do about Cooper before you all delete me and block me from even reading YOUR blogs. 

So here’s my latest gripe.  I’ve gained weight.  I have my friends wedding in about 8 weeks and I am going to be a blimp in the dress (assuming it zips up!).  I hate that I have to wear the exact same dress as the other girls, who are all short and skinny.  This is where forced comparisons begin.  Anyway, the Husband bought me Wii Zumba (which I hated after one attempt) and Wii Just Dance (which even though I REALLY wanted, I haven’t used once in the month since I’ve had it.)  I want to join a gym (mainly for the free tanning sessions, did I mention I need a tan before the wedding too?) but I don’t have any gym shoes (seriously, the dog ate them a year ago).  I went shopping the other day to get shoes just SO I could join the gym, but couldn’t find anything that I liked (meaning any that didn’t make me a foot taller that I already am).  I’m sure subconsciously this was because IF I found shoes, I would actually have to join AND GO to the gym rather than napping at home.  Its all a vicious circle all returning to the fact that I’m lazy and need motivation.  I thought I could just try the dress on and that would be motivation enough to get my butt moving, but it just depressed me into bed with cookies.  SO, I ask you… what is YOUR motivation?  And don’t give me ‘I want to look good, I love doing it, I want to be healthy… blah blah blah.’  That doesn’t drive me.  I need the DRIVE.  Call me a fat ass or something.  I need anything!  (and ANYTHING doesn’t include my bestfriend telling me that I’m the skinniest person she knows.  THAT doesn’t help Boobie!)

OK… back to work.  And soon to CVS, where I will inevitably search for healthy food before remembering that I’m in a convenient store and they only sell candy and chips. 

xoShell

Episode Eighteen : Introducing the Househusband

Dear Bloggy

I’m sorry I haven’t written to you recently.  I can offer a thousand excuses that I had pre-prepared, but I know that you know me too well to believe anything I might throw at you other than the absolute truth.  So, I am sorry.  For some reason, in society people value a hard days work, and paychecks.  Don’t ask me why.  The husband just seems happier knowing that I’m stretching my brain while sitting under florescent lighting rather than when I was basking in the ability to nap anytime I want.  I.just.dont.get.it!

So, my job is pretty interesting.  I am solely responsible for marketing and branding a ridiculously wealthy company.  I don’t know why they picked me but I think I can handle it.  I was just watching ‘How its Made’ with the Husband and they showed an assembly line of people making lockers for a school.  Can you imagine being in the same place for 8 hours a day doing the same teeny meaningless task?  I said this to the husband, and he simply replied ‘people want those jobs right now, they’re secure and they don’t require you to think.’  Really?  Bloggy, I ask you, WHO doesn’t want to think?!  I am on the other side of the spectrum, thinking almost too much with this new job.  I think my brain is about to explode in technology-input-overload (hence me not blogging for a week).  I couldn’t manage to produce a single clear thought in sentence form, let alone make it interesting and witty.  Who knows if I’ve ever been able to do that, but last week, it was ridiculous.  I’m pretty sure I was talking in Acronyms.  On Easter, I may have actually said el-oh-el instead of laughing.

However, the lack of posting doesn’t mean that I wasn’t thinking of you, dear bloggy.  I began to compose about 4 blogs in the last week.  I even used you as motivation for a grueling task that I had to perform.  You see, I made a lemon cake, filled with home made strawberry/cream cheese and topped with homemade cream cheese frosting and fresh strawberry slices.  It was a masterpiece.  I took pictures of the whole act, but we can’t seem to find the Canon cord, alas, you do not get to see the pictures.  All for the better though.  We had Easter lunch down in Connecticut, a nice hour away, where the whole cake melted all over itself.  It was delicious nonetheless, but wasn’t as pretty as I had hoped.  If I had to look at the pictures today to post here, I would probably just cry. 

I also wrote a blog about my Friday confessions.  But the only semi-interesting confession was that while I sat responding to a weeks worth of blog postings, I ate half a bag of Salt and Vinegar potato chips.  I didn’t even realize I did it. To my own defense, I think the bag was full of air upon opening it.  But that’s not the confession.  After I finally realizing that I devoured half the bag of chips, I looked at my manicure, only to realize that somehow in that 30 minutes, half of my nail polish chipped.  I never found evidence of the chipping… but I continued to eat chips anyway.  Ha!  Oops. 

As I mentioned a week or so back, the House-o-Belmont is now without a fulltime housewife.  The husband and I worked out a clean-as-you-go plan that lasted about a day, but luckily, he’s on vacation this week, so the house has been staying fairly clean.  I shutter at the thought of what it will look like when my househusband starts back at school in 2 weeks.  For some reason, I don’t think I’m going to be able to train the dog to vacuum. 

OK, this is crazy long, and I don’t really have any fun pictures to put in, so Ill end it here.  Dear Bloggy, thank you for being a great follower and allowing me to know that you will always be here for me-even when I take a week away from you due to my brain leaking out of my ears. 

Xoxox.  Shell

PS, I just politely asked my Househusband NOT to do my laundry anymore.  What's worse, shrunken clothes, or doing laundry?  I'll let you know...

Episode Ten : I Got the Bridesmaid Blues

Yesterday, I picked up my bridesmaid dress for my friends July 8^th wedding.  Its pretty cute, bright pink and it has POCKETS!  SCORE.  Now Ill have somewhere to stash my cell phone and Hershey’s kisses while walking down the aisle.  Only problem is, I have arm-pit fat.  Is that a thing?  (If not, lets not start calling it Shelley Fat, that would just be humiliating.)  If so, is there a way to get rid of it??  I mean, if necessary, I can Spanx and Miracle Push almost everything else into place, but the armpit area?  Totally un-hideable in a strapless dress.  I’m sure the Bride did this on purpose; she wants us to look bad so she looks exponentially gorgeous.  That’s what Brides do, right?  OK, Nikki would never do that, I’m pretty sure that I picked this dress for all five girls.  However, it doesn’t help that I’m the only bridesmaid over 5’6” (6 inches taller than the second tallest girl) and that Ill probably be the palest one up there even if I start tanning now.  I’m going to stand out like a sore thumb!  Oh well, its not about me, I suppose.  At least she didn’t put me in 30-yards of iridescent taffeta with puffy sleeves (although, that would have hidden the Shelley-Fat). 

So, I have 89 days exactly until the wedding to get in tip-top shape.  This requires doing something other than staring at the Wii console, wishing the blue glow to just go away.  I’m pretty certain that the husband leaves the Wii on just to taunt me while he’s away.  But avoiding the Wii isn’t completely my own fault.  I mean, we have people living below us (who are gone during the day) and the Dog doesn’t like sudden movements (when he’s not asleep for 18 hours), and that damn Wii balance board guy is just too mean when he tells me its been 148 days since I’ve weighed in last.  How can an inanimate object be so damn cruel?!  I don’t like it at all.  If I was in the mood for someone to be mean to me, I would get the Jillian Michaels routine…or admit to the husband that I’ve only used the Wii Zumba once since I insisted he buy it for me for Valentines day. 

So, my question to you, how should I get rid of the armpit fat?  OH, and in the process of trying the dress on for the picture, the Husband informed me of shoulder blade chunk also.  Isn’t he a sweetheart?  Any Suggestions?  And while I’m at it, how should I wear my hair (its long, incase you can’t tell)?  And what kind of jewelry should I wear?  Oh yeah, my UGLY (sorry Nikki) shoes are in the process of being dyed (pink), so imagine that.

Thanks in advance for your advice!!  Have a happy Weekend!!!!

xoshell

Accountability

I started this blog when I was laid off from my job with the hopes that having something to do regularly that would keep me accountable for something other than walking the dog and having dinner on the table when the husband gets home.  Somehow amongst many blog drafts, I got distracted with editing myself too much-that is, when I could get over my fear of the blank canvas that is an empty screen and blinking cursor.  Perhaps I need that computer program that’s always advertised on the radio.  I use to make fun of it, but I’m starting to see its possible brilliance – it digitizes everything you say, so you can talk and talk and not have to bother with editing yourself before you finish typing out a sentence.  I seem to have a million clever, important and earth shattering ideas in my head (ha), but cant seem to get them down onto the keyboard.  I suppose the only way to get over this is to force myself to produce something regularly -MORE regularly rather.  So here it goes…  I’m putting this out here to keep myself accountable.