Episode Eight : Spring? Is that you???

Hello Spring!

Its finally Spring in Boston.  Its time to shop for flip flops, Redsox (and/or insert your fav baseball team here.  Go Mariners!!) Tee’s and pump up the Wii Zumba routines a bit for those summer clothes just around the corner.  However, the warm weather hasn’t quite caught up with the sun shining outside, so I’ve been stuck in the house seeing water streaks on the windows as I gaze longingly outside.  What better to do that start that Spring Cleaning?!  Now, I’m a housewife with nothing better to do than cleaning (while watching Reality TV), so my house is not dirty, but it can use an extra deep scrub.  In fact, when the Husband came in, he didn’t comment on a cleanliness which came from 6 hours of cleaning, but on why the house has an orange/lemon/lavender and bleach aroma.  I actually used 12 different cleaning products and 6 cleaning utensils.  PLUS, I pulled a Danny Tanner, and cleaned the cleaning products as I put them away.

Since being on vacation, my new baby, Whitey, has shot up about 6 inches IN-A-WEEK!!  I am such a proud plant Momma-I mean, its been two weeks (one of which I was on vacation) and I haven’t killed him yet. 

As to not play favorites, here’s a picture of Big Butt.  He’s doing a good job of encouraging Whitey to grow tall like him.

Why did I name him Big Butt you ask?  Well, where the base of the trunk meets the dirt, it looks like two big butt cheeks.  We named him before we planted him, then when you water him, bubbles come up from between the “cheeks.”  No Lie, it looks like Big Butt farted in a bathtub.  He earned his name!!

OK, time to go back to scrubbing the oven door.  Don’t be too jealous, its not as fun as it sounds.  In fact, the only one having fun in this household today is the Dog, who is currently practicing his sun bathing..

Episode One : Appearing Busy

I’m not sure that I understand the allure of being a housewife.  Staying home, cleaning, organizing lives and watching daytime TV?  How unfulfilling.  Perhaps back in the day there was better programming on TV.  It cant be normal to want to punch through TV every time I see one of those soap actresses use the word commitment, then tell their husband/lover/brother/pastor that the child is actually a love child of their own brother.  Yuck.

I’m pretty sure 4 loads of laundry every single day that I’ve been here.  Not that we go through that much laundry, but once it touches the ground, it needs to be washed, right?  On Thursday, I left the clothes in the dryer and a wet load in the dryer just to give myself something to redo on Friday.  Perhaps I really am doing this right, creating more work for myself so my husband thinks I’m really busy.  As long as a different room is clean every day, I must be doing my job.  Although, I mentioned that I was planning on cleaning his office, and he got a bit twitchy and told me not to.  Maybe that will be a nice treat for him when he comes home at midnight on Tuesday – a nice shiny clean office, ORGANIZED and everything.  I kinda need one or two of those desk drawers.  Those papers from 3 years ago cant possibly be necessary to keep, right?

I’m not quite sure what the husband thinks of me staying home.  Sure, things are getting done here.  He almost always has a hot 1950s style meal waiting when he gets home.  He doesn’t have to listen to me complain about a horrible coworker anymore.  He doesn’t have to walk the dog or clean up after him – because as a stay at home wife, that’s my sole job, regardless of the time of day, cleaning up poop.  He must love this.  He’s told me numerous times that he has this desire to take care of me.  Yeah, I have that same desire, to take care of myself.  How do we clash there?

The dog on the other hand, certainly is unhappy with me being home.  Sure, he needs a bit of food and a walk every now and then, but I’m sure I’m disturbing his busy social schedule.  He’s constantly telling us that he’s a professor of Pupinomics at the Harvard University Extension school, but since I’ve been home, I’ve yet to see him go to class once.  He doesn’t even grade papers or work on his manuscript.  All I see him do it chew on some dumb bone.  How can anyone be so entranced by a simple stinky and now sticky bone for so long?

So my schedule for today…

• Redo some of that laundry from last week, and luckily this weekend (I think I’ll leave that till later so I have something to look forward to.  Plus, in the week that I’ve been here, I can already tell that it looks good to appear busy when the husband comes home.
• Sand and paint the spackled white spots on the bedroom and living room walls.  (Mental note: throw more hard things at said walls in the future to create more busy work when attempting to appear busy).
• Do dishes from this weekend (damnit, I already checked this off my list.  Why do I feel so productive so early in the morning?  I should cut out that coffee at 8am)
• Bathe dog. (Perhaps wait for husband to volunteer.  After being here for a week, I’ve become immune to the dogs smell.  Husband has not)
• Mop floors, again (train dog to NOT to pee on the floor).
• Wii Fit.  178 days until my friends wedding, and have to get my arms a little toned to look hot in the bridesmaid dress.  Husband bought me a medicine ball to hold while working out.  Not sure if this is a sick joke or not-will let you know soon.
• Search for a job that allows me to utilize all 8 of my talents and will allow me to fulfill my dream of being important, wealthy and notable in a trade magazine.
• Use the word ‘Exponentially’ in conversation.  This may take a while, since I can only talk to the dog.